If we're just going to correct spelling and grammar, there's some stuff I would like to mention:

1. You're in the middle of a word, as well as a sentence, so a new paragraph isn't needed ("one collective plus representing all").
2. It would actually be led or leads, rather than lead ("this question lead me to believe you gave").
3. Etc. actually has a period right after it because it is an abbreviation. ("bisexual, omni, etc")

And as for the argument itself, if these individuals that are struggling because of the "issue of poor mental health,"then why would ten to fifteen years after surgery, the suicide rate of those who had undergone sex-reassignment surgery rose to 20 times higher than those who did not, according to the most thorough long-term study we have? If these procedures are as freeing and liberating as you say, then why would the data say otherwise? It seems like "the personal freedom of self-expression" is doing more harm than good.